raising kids you like

You always hear 'The apple doesn't fall far from the tree".  This statement could not be any truer and the older I get the more I know this is true.  If you want to raise children who are kind, joyful, giving, loving, confident, hard workers, and productive members of society, then be prepared to model that behavior.  Children are great imitators, and if you ever want to know what you need to fix in your behavior, watch a toddler follow in your footsteps.  It is pretty scary.  Four-letter words do not sound pretty coming out of a 4-year-old's mouth.  But then there are times when they follow something good you've done.  It makes your heart so happy.  I remember thinking that for today, in this moment in time, I won.  I win mother of the moment because we all know it can change on a dime.  Not to worry that I developed an inflated ego because something would happen and I would lose my temper or handle something badly, and my children were always quick to humble me.  I would realize that the mother of the year award would not be going to me that day.  I think this happens to all of us and social media has not helped moms fight the need to be perfect.  If anything it makes most moms feel woefully inaccurate.

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For those who feel like failures, join the club.  We have all felt that way.  My failure feels intensified when I look on social media.  I have to remind myself that most people do not post the ugly parts of their lives, only the good.  They use filters to make everything seem like it is coming up roses.  They use apps to make themselves look skinnier and their skin more flawless.  A friend posted a picture one time of a mirror with a perfectly flawless apple in the reflection.  That look represented what people post on social media.  Facing away from the mirror, that would not see unless you really knew that apple, is that it had a huge bite taken out of it that was turning brown.  Things are not always what they seem. 

 

I hate to break it to you, but we are all flawed.  We all have ugly days.  And I know I've had days where I have been ugly in thought, word, and deed to my children.  But for the grace of God.  Just like you should model good behavior, model grace and forgiveness as well.  It is one of the most powerful things you can do as a parent.  Ask your children for their forgiveness when you mess up.  Don't brush your mistake under the rug and discount how your mess-up affected your children.  Own it.  (This is for those of you who have older children.)  

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Love BIG.  Tell your children as often as you can that you love them.  Show them you love them.  Hug them and let them know that they matter.  Their childhood passes in a flash and you don't want a day to go by without letting them know how you feel.

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You can do it, mom & dad.  You can be the people your children need you to be.  

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